The Search Continues...

I just couldn't bring myself to go out with the 50-year old. I called IJL back and told them that I had "second thoughts" and just didn't feel comfortable with an age difference like that (and never will, for that matter). 

They were less than forgiving. The woman I spoke with, who is a minion of the matchmaker, and not the matchmaker herself, said "well that's very disappointing...we picked him because we felt he was a good match for you, despite the age difference".  

So tell me, how is someone a good match if it creeps you out? Really? Anyway, she proceeded to tell me that they would continue to find matches for me even if it meant they were out of my age range. I can honestly say I am truly disappointed in them and think they should listen to me when I tell them that an age difference beyond 7 years makes me uncomfortable. Technically, they could fulfill their end of the  contract to me by offering up men who are all over 50, and if I turn them down, that's my problem. I'm not saying that they'll do that, but they could, based on what she said.

Now, on the other hand, I did have a second date with "date #5". While we had a good time, and conversation was easy, at the end of the date he said "I had a nice time but I'm getting more of a friend vibe". It's ironic to me how two people can perceive a situation so differently. I always felt that friendship was the best foundation for building a romantic relationship.  It's disappointing because of the 5 dates, he was the easiest to talk to and had a lot of great qualities. 

And so, the search continues.

We'll see....

Well, I was supposed to go out with date number 5 again this past weekend, but that got rescheduled to this week. Now I firmly believe that it really wasn't a ditch, since we rescheduled and all, but we'll see.

In the meantime, I haven't taken my name off the available list at IJL just yet, and they called last week to tell me they had a new match for me. And then stated that he was just a little out of my age range. Now, knowing my age range is 2 years younger and 5 years older, what would you think is "a little out of my age range"? Did you say 7 years? How about 10? 12 maybe?

Well, those guesses are all incorrect. How about 13, yes 13 years older! He's 50. Now, I'm trying to be open minded, maybe he's a young 50, but 50...biologically old enough to be my dad. That just seems wrong.  Maybe I'm drawing conclusions I shouldn't, but it's kinda difficult not to, especially since last week two separate people didn't think I was older than 25. Now I think that's a stretch, but still, two people thought I was 25 (or less).

They haven't called back to give me a time and date...I am thinking about canceling...I mean is it worth it? I really feel like this is some sort of sociological experiment, and not one of those cool ones.

On another note, it is severe weather awareness week this week. Apparently, lightning kills several people a year and is one of the most deadly severe weather phenomena. The advice...stay indoors, or if you're outdoors...don't stand next to anything tall and crouch down. Hmmm....I wonder if that means I can just stand up straight, being only 5' tall and all. I think I'll just stay indoors.

Hopeful

Well, date number 6 was this past Thursday....and it went well. I debated even writing about it just because I don't want to jinx it.

He seems normal, has a good job, owns a home, has a dog, enjoys baseball, motorcycles, is a good conversationalist, does volunteer work, and is very handy. The conversation was never dull and never stopped flowing. We talked about work, interests, family, our less than great dating experiences through IJL (which resulted in some funny stories), and slight obsessions with cleaning and organizing.

We decided to go out again. So I'm hoping that actually happens. I'm not trying to be pessimistic but I've been here before; it this actually works out I am going to have to write about something else.

On another positive note, my trip to Australia is scheduled. I'll be there for two weeks. I am so excited. I have been wanting to visit Australia for the last 11 years, but have put it off to visit other places. I haven't regretted any of those decisions, but am just really excited to finally be going to Australia. According to my calendar countdown, I have 146 days until I leave. Now, I am not one for wishing my life away, but it's nice to have something to look forward to, especially since work has been so demanding over the past few months.

Well, it's been a fairly blissful day. Got a few things done around the house, but mostly rested and watched the first four episodes of The Long Way Round. Love it. I enjoy travel to remote places, but I can't imagine having the metal to do what Ewan and Charlie did. I am really glad they decided to the project and share it with the world. What a great idea, albeit a little crazy.


"If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago."

Not the best, but definitely not the worst...

Well, date number 5 finally happened today. It took several reschedules, and unfortunately it didn't go all that well.

To his credit, he seemed like a normal guy.  I got the impression that when he saw me he was disappointed and wanted to run away; and that for the rest of our lunch time together he had no interest in being there with me. The conversation was very halted and difficult.

There was just no connection, even though we had some things in common.

I'm disappointed. I was just really hopeful that something would come of this date. I am starting to doubt that these folks will be successful in finding someone with whom I'll be compatible. It's difficult not to lose hope.

The day wasn't a total loss though. I traded in my Civic for a shiny new one.

There's At Least a Month of Winter Left to Go...

I think that this time of year get's to be pretty tough for those of us in the upper midwest. It just seems as though winter will never end; and this winter has been particularly long and snowy. It certainly doesn't help that I had the luxury of spending a week in Tucson for a work trip. I enjoyed every moment of the sunshine and warmth.

So, date #5 is scheduled for Tuesday. This guy is about 3 years younger and an engineer. I am hopeful that someone a little younger will be less....I don't know, odd.  I'm thinking it'll go better than the last one. Hoping, at any rate.

Okay...seriously, what is with the Celebrity Apprentice commercials? Why does everyone seem absolutely insane?

Another day, another snowstorm...

Well, another week has come and gone and I'm feeling a bit philosophical. No call from the matchmaking agency. I can't say I'm surprised. Maybe a little disappointed though. My hope is starting to wane.

I watched Eat, Pray, Love today. I thought that they did an okay job of adapting the book, which I read a couple of years ago. I really enjoyed the book and felt that I resonated on some level with the author. Although my own story is quite different. I also have a box full of places I want to travel to before I die; and the list is long. I don't dream of a white picket fence with 2.5 kids and a dog...I dream of Africa, Antarctica, Borneo and Sumatra (just to name a few).

But the movie got me thinking again, reminding me of the book, and what the movie did not convey about some of the author's (Elizabeth Gilbert) feelings that drove her to make the choices she did. She felt trapped in a life that she did not want, and from what I recall, she wasn't quite sure how she wound up there. Reading the book made me feel like I wasn't alone.

There's this small part of me that sees friends and relatives with their children and wonders what it would be like to have a child of my own. But then I think, I just don't want it badly enough. At one point in time, when I was in my late 20's, I thought that maybe at some point (in the near future) I'd feel old enough and ready to settle down and have a family, but that hasn't happened for me, and I don't think it ever will.

For me, it isn't so much about not having a family, but about feeling left behind and feeling left out of experiences I will never have. I will never be able to truly relate with many of my friends and they will never be able to relate to me.

I really enjoy my life, my career, my travels, my friends, but at the same time feel conflicted because I don't want be a parent. I know this may sound strange; it's even strange to me. I value family very much, but don't see myself as part of one (other than the one I grew up in). And while that may make me sad sometimes, in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really bother me.

The snow has been falling all day and will require me to shovel out in the morning, so it's time for a good night's sleep before the morning workout.

It's Valentines Day...I'm Watching the Westminster Dog Show

Well, it's Valentines Day. While I'm not a hater, I'm not exactly a fan either. Now you might think I'm bitter because I haven't found that special someone, but really that's not the reason for my lukewarm feelings towards this day.

I take issue with retail holidays. It's a sad statement that we've created a special day to tell our loved ones that we love them or show them we love them by buying gifts. Why don't we live that everyday? Not the buying gifts part, the showing love part. I realize that some people do, but it's obvious that a greater percentage of us do not. And we play right into the hands of retailers. I am a Capitalist, but sometimes the materialistic nature of our culture disappoints me. From my perspective, spending time with loved ones is a much better gift than anything money can buy.

No news on the dating front. I think I'll start a pool as to how long it's going to take before they call me back. I think I might have blacklisted myself.

Happy Valentines Day to all, and remember to live the spirit all year (you know, like Christmas)...and yes, I really am watching the Westminster Dog Show. I just adore those little toy dogs.