Today was a typical Friday…I'm always tired, a little slap-happy, and very ready for the weekend.
A friend of mine emailed a panda meme that was absolutely adorable, which I shared with a few coworkers. This is the conversation which ensued:
Julie #1: That's adorable! It makes me want to hug them.
Me: I know! They just made my day.
Natalie: I resign. I am going to China to play with some super cute pandas!
Me: Maybe you should just buy one on the black market and keep it at your apartment.
Natalie: Only if they come in a miniature version and can be potty trained. Cat poo is bad enough!
Me: You could get some grow lights and grow bamboo. I'm sure that it would absorb the odor. And the police would never be the wiser…they would just think you were growing an illegal substance and when they show up you could just say…I'm growing bamboo for my miniature panda. They'd think you were crazy, see the bamboo, and leave. It's a win-win really.
Natalie: You seem to have thought this out. Are you trying to get me to illegally obtain and maintain a panda under the guise of craziness so that you can satisfy your needs for super cuteness?
Me: That's certainly one way to look at it.
Julie #1: It sounds like a fantastic plan.
Me: I think it's quite fabulous.
Julie #2: I'm staying out of this one.
Disclaimer: Although I have been known to have unusual pets in the past (hedgehog), I do not advocate, or have knowledge of how one could acquire a panda for personal use. But it would be really, really cool, until it's "bear" instincts kicked in and it mauled you in your sleep.
And here's a panda video for your viewing enjoyment…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGF6bOi1NfA
Friday, November 15, 2013
Saturday, September 21, 2013
I don't have Channel 986...
My parents often call me to tell me when a "good" movie is going to be on. They will tell me the title, who's in it, why I should watch it, etc. Then, inevitably they will tell me which channel it's on. It's on Channel 6, Channel 58, Channel 4, Channel 986, Channel 6.2; you get the picture.
Then I ask which network this fantastic movie is on, often, the response is, "I don't know". I try and explain that I need to know because my Channel 4 is not the same as their Channel 4. My mother seems to get this, my father on the other hand doesn't seem to grasp the concept that Milwaukee and Minneapolis have different channel numbers for their networks.
Dad: "You mean you don't get NBC? What kind of cable do you have? Don't you have Time Warner"?
Me: "No, I don't have Time Warner and even if I did, our channel numbers would still be different."
Dad: "Why don't you have Time Warner? It's on A-TV. You're not looking right. Check your TV Guide."
Me: "I don't have a TV Guide."
Dad (with haughty derision in his voice): "Not TV Guide. Your TV guide. It's on A-TV, Kathleen. Channel 986 or Channel 6.2."
My father calls me by my mother's name when he gets frustrated with me; which is equally as funny as when my mother calls me by my father's name when she gets frustrated with me.
Me: "ATV? What the heck is that? I don't have ATV."
Dad: "It's Channel 986 or Channel 6.2. Talk to your mother."
Mom: "It's on ATV. Channel 986 or Channel 6.2."
Me: "This whole time I've been searching my TV guide, and I assure you I don't have ATV. I do, however, have Antenna TV. Is that what you mean?"
Mom: "Yes, Antenna TV...A-TV. That's what I said. Channel 986 or Channel 6.2."
I'm silently going insane.
Me: "Antenna TV is not A-TV, it's Antenna TV...A-N-T-E-N."
Mom: "Yes A-TV."
Me: "Not the same...A-N-T-E-N, Antenna TV."
Mom: "A-TV."
Me: "Not the same."
AAAARRRGGGHHH
Mom: "Your father wants to talk to you. I'm sorry, honey."
She gets that he's special and demanding. They'll be married for 45-years on October 5th, which I figure makes her eligible for Sainthood.
Dad: "See, I told you you had it."
Me: "If you had called it Antenna TV from the start, we could have avoided this whole conversation."
Dad: "A-TV."
Me: "Stop calling it A-TV, it's Antenna TV. Are you doing this just to make me crazy? Go watch your movie."
Dad: "Okay, I expect a book report on this...go watch the movie."
Me: "Goodnight."
I didn't want to get into the whole thing about not being able to do a book report on a movie. I'd like to retain what little is left of my sanity, at least for the evening.
Cheers.
Then I ask which network this fantastic movie is on, often, the response is, "I don't know". I try and explain that I need to know because my Channel 4 is not the same as their Channel 4. My mother seems to get this, my father on the other hand doesn't seem to grasp the concept that Milwaukee and Minneapolis have different channel numbers for their networks.
Dad: "You mean you don't get NBC? What kind of cable do you have? Don't you have Time Warner"?
Me: "No, I don't have Time Warner and even if I did, our channel numbers would still be different."
Dad: "Why don't you have Time Warner? It's on A-TV. You're not looking right. Check your TV Guide."
Me: "I don't have a TV Guide."
Dad (with haughty derision in his voice): "Not TV Guide. Your TV guide. It's on A-TV, Kathleen. Channel 986 or Channel 6.2."
My father calls me by my mother's name when he gets frustrated with me; which is equally as funny as when my mother calls me by my father's name when she gets frustrated with me.
Me: "ATV? What the heck is that? I don't have ATV."
Dad: "It's Channel 986 or Channel 6.2. Talk to your mother."
Mom: "It's on ATV. Channel 986 or Channel 6.2."
Me: "This whole time I've been searching my TV guide, and I assure you I don't have ATV. I do, however, have Antenna TV. Is that what you mean?"
Mom: "Yes, Antenna TV...A-TV. That's what I said. Channel 986 or Channel 6.2."
I'm silently going insane.
Me: "Antenna TV is not A-TV, it's Antenna TV...A-N-T-E-N."
Mom: "Yes A-TV."
Me: "Not the same...A-N-T-E-N, Antenna TV."
Mom: "A-TV."
Me: "Not the same."
AAAARRRGGGHHH
Mom: "Your father wants to talk to you. I'm sorry, honey."
She gets that he's special and demanding. They'll be married for 45-years on October 5th, which I figure makes her eligible for Sainthood.
Dad: "See, I told you you had it."
Me: "If you had called it Antenna TV from the start, we could have avoided this whole conversation."
Dad: "A-TV."
Me: "Stop calling it A-TV, it's Antenna TV. Are you doing this just to make me crazy? Go watch your movie."
Dad: "Okay, I expect a book report on this...go watch the movie."
Me: "Goodnight."
I didn't want to get into the whole thing about not being able to do a book report on a movie. I'd like to retain what little is left of my sanity, at least for the evening.
Cheers.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
George Orwell and Aldous Huxley were right...which means we're all SOL.
This post may seem random, but it really does have a flow and make sense. Sort of.
Have you noticed how many movies are being remade or how many versions on the same theme are being written? Do you think to yourself where have all the original ideas gone?
Movies and novels which involve the annihilation of the planet or humanity and post-apocalyptic dystopian societies seem to be particularly popular. Many authors, filmmakers, and artists have come up with some very exciting and ingenious ways in which the world and humanity will meet their demise.
Are these meant to be cautionary tales? Manuals for living in a dystopian society? Can we escape our own humanity? And then I seriously got to thinking...have all the "good" ideas for humanity's demise and our ever-looming dystopian future been used up?
I mean, there's zombies (classic and cliche); Godzilla (timeless); a planet wide EMP; time-traveling Borg; asteroids; comets; mega-volcanoes; earthquakes; tsunamis; genetically engineered dinosaurs and wives; biological warfare (a personal favorite); 'The Master'; aliens (from outer space not other countries); and evil dictatorships which may or may not have WMDs. Just to name a few.
So, on a rainy Saturday, I challenged myself to come up with some original ideas. I don't know that my heart was really in it though, because I only came up with two...but then again I was already a little depressed so thinking up end of the world scenarios and dystopian living didn't seem like it might contribute to having a positive attitude. My ideas were, in no particular order:
a) blow up the moon, and
b) drill 12 holes into the earth's outer core in strategic locations, and then launch WMDs into the holes simultaneously.
Then I decided to do some research to determine whether they truly were original. They are not, as the link to spaceanswers.com will demonstrate. I couldn't actually find a site for drilling 12 holes into the earth and launching WMDs at the core, but there were plenty of websites that have calculated how many nukes it would take to destroy the planet from it's surface.
Here's a fun link I found that provides a basic tutorial on Earth geology; it's fun for the whole family...
http://www.kidsgeo.com/geology-for-kids/0019-inside-of-earth.php
SpaceAnswers.com is really a great site, and not just because it explains what would happen if we blew up the moon (which the site points out would be really dumb). It has all kinds of interesting space stuff.
http://www.spaceanswers.com/solar-system/2403/what-would-happen-if-we-blew-up-the-moon/
And by the way...there are many websites devoted to figuring all this stuff out (in a very scientific way), which frightens me just a bit; because psychologically, the person/people who would actually attempt something like this are most likely to be scientists, just to see whether they could do it. Science is kind of like that. It focuses on action and reaction; there's no moral judgment, which I won't judge, just state for the record. Although, purposefully destroying humanity or the planet does seem wrong, really wrong.
A former co-worker once told me that he thought I wouldn't survive very well, if at all, if there were a nuclear attack. When I asked why, he told me he thought that because I didn't like to camp. While it's true I don't enjoy camping, I'm not sure what that has to do with surviving a nuclear attack. I told him that if my choices were being at the point of impact or being within a 50 to 100 mile radius I would prefer to be at the point of impact (for obvious reasons). But I digress. Hell, this whole post is a digression, I'm not even sure why I wrote it other than to entertain myself and maybe a few friends.
As humans, we seem to be rather obsessed with death, destruction, and redemption. How would one survive in post-apocalytpic world, a dystopian society? Maybe these movies and novels really are cautionary tales and survival manuals.
As for George Orwell's 1984 and Aldous Huxley's Brave New World, I find it eerie how close they came to predicting the direction society has taken. I would also add that the MaddAdam trilogy by Margaret Atwood is probably not far off from where we are headed either. If you have not read these books and are obsessed the demise or decline of society, I suggest you do so.
As for humanity's obsession with it's own decline and demise I can only posit that it's for one simple reason...one can only watch so many cute animal videos. But in the meantime, "Don't Worry, Be Happy".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ssa7LMeC_Bw
Cheers!
Have you noticed how many movies are being remade or how many versions on the same theme are being written? Do you think to yourself where have all the original ideas gone?
Movies and novels which involve the annihilation of the planet or humanity and post-apocalyptic dystopian societies seem to be particularly popular. Many authors, filmmakers, and artists have come up with some very exciting and ingenious ways in which the world and humanity will meet their demise.
Are these meant to be cautionary tales? Manuals for living in a dystopian society? Can we escape our own humanity? And then I seriously got to thinking...have all the "good" ideas for humanity's demise and our ever-looming dystopian future been used up?
I mean, there's zombies (classic and cliche); Godzilla (timeless); a planet wide EMP; time-traveling Borg; asteroids; comets; mega-volcanoes; earthquakes; tsunamis; genetically engineered dinosaurs and wives; biological warfare (a personal favorite); 'The Master'; aliens (from outer space not other countries); and evil dictatorships which may or may not have WMDs. Just to name a few.
So, on a rainy Saturday, I challenged myself to come up with some original ideas. I don't know that my heart was really in it though, because I only came up with two...but then again I was already a little depressed so thinking up end of the world scenarios and dystopian living didn't seem like it might contribute to having a positive attitude. My ideas were, in no particular order:
a) blow up the moon, and
b) drill 12 holes into the earth's outer core in strategic locations, and then launch WMDs into the holes simultaneously.
Then I decided to do some research to determine whether they truly were original. They are not, as the link to spaceanswers.com will demonstrate. I couldn't actually find a site for drilling 12 holes into the earth and launching WMDs at the core, but there were plenty of websites that have calculated how many nukes it would take to destroy the planet from it's surface.
Here's a fun link I found that provides a basic tutorial on Earth geology; it's fun for the whole family...
http://www.kidsgeo.com/geology-for-kids/0019-inside-of-earth.php
SpaceAnswers.com is really a great site, and not just because it explains what would happen if we blew up the moon (which the site points out would be really dumb). It has all kinds of interesting space stuff.
http://www.spaceanswers.com/solar-system/2403/what-would-happen-if-we-blew-up-the-moon/
And by the way...there are many websites devoted to figuring all this stuff out (in a very scientific way), which frightens me just a bit; because psychologically, the person/people who would actually attempt something like this are most likely to be scientists, just to see whether they could do it. Science is kind of like that. It focuses on action and reaction; there's no moral judgment, which I won't judge, just state for the record. Although, purposefully destroying humanity or the planet does seem wrong, really wrong.
A former co-worker once told me that he thought I wouldn't survive very well, if at all, if there were a nuclear attack. When I asked why, he told me he thought that because I didn't like to camp. While it's true I don't enjoy camping, I'm not sure what that has to do with surviving a nuclear attack. I told him that if my choices were being at the point of impact or being within a 50 to 100 mile radius I would prefer to be at the point of impact (for obvious reasons). But I digress. Hell, this whole post is a digression, I'm not even sure why I wrote it other than to entertain myself and maybe a few friends.
As humans, we seem to be rather obsessed with death, destruction, and redemption. How would one survive in post-apocalytpic world, a dystopian society? Maybe these movies and novels really are cautionary tales and survival manuals.
As for George Orwell's 1984 and Aldous Huxley's Brave New World, I find it eerie how close they came to predicting the direction society has taken. I would also add that the MaddAdam trilogy by Margaret Atwood is probably not far off from where we are headed either. If you have not read these books and are obsessed the demise or decline of society, I suggest you do so.
As for humanity's obsession with it's own decline and demise I can only posit that it's for one simple reason...one can only watch so many cute animal videos. But in the meantime, "Don't Worry, Be Happy".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ssa7LMeC_Bw
Cheers!
Monday, September 9, 2013
Norwegian Sharknado, or what the fox say...
Alright, that may be a bit of stretch to call it Norwegian Sharknado, but like Sharknado I think I'll be talking about this for awhile. It's probably more like Norwegian "Weird Al" Yankovic, whose music I totally love.
If you haven't seen this, you should...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jofNR_WkoCE
I really don't have anything else for this post.
Ylvis has left the building.
Thank-you
If you haven't seen this, you should...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jofNR_WkoCE
I really don't have anything else for this post.
Ylvis has left the building.
Thank-you
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Incommercials...
I admit, I am not the most eloquent person, however, I'd like to believe that when it comes to pronunciation, I do okay. If I don't, then I just blame my genetics.
There are certain words that my father mispronounces, frequently; no matter how many times I tell him the proper way to pronounce the word. These words include, but are not limited to:
Incommercial (known to everyone else as an infomercial)
Frajita (or fajita)
Valentime's Day (that would be Valentine's Day, with an "N", not an "M")
Bryerly's (there's no "r" after the B; it's Byerly's, a local grocery store, for you out-of-towners)
On a positive note, my father gave me an expandable hose which he purchased after watching an "incommerical"; and it's way better than the stupid hose I bought at Home Depot which gave me bruises. I don't think it's Home Depot's fault, but you get what you pay for; and apparently a $25.00 hose is cheap in the world of hoses. When I told him I wanted another expandable hose for the back of the house he told me I should go to the Target place and ask where "the seen on TV incommercial place" was. I was specifically instructed not to purchase it from the incommercial on TV because the shipping and handling was more than what the hose itself actually cost. Message received and understood. I guess I'm off to Target.
Expandable hose my dad gave me...
Cheers!
There are certain words that my father mispronounces, frequently; no matter how many times I tell him the proper way to pronounce the word. These words include, but are not limited to:
Incommercial (known to everyone else as an infomercial)
Frajita (or fajita)
Valentime's Day (that would be Valentine's Day, with an "N", not an "M")
Bryerly's (there's no "r" after the B; it's Byerly's, a local grocery store, for you out-of-towners)
On a positive note, my father gave me an expandable hose which he purchased after watching an "incommerical"; and it's way better than the stupid hose I bought at Home Depot which gave me bruises. I don't think it's Home Depot's fault, but you get what you pay for; and apparently a $25.00 hose is cheap in the world of hoses. When I told him I wanted another expandable hose for the back of the house he told me I should go to the Target place and ask where "the seen on TV incommercial place" was. I was specifically instructed not to purchase it from the incommercial on TV because the shipping and handling was more than what the hose itself actually cost. Message received and understood. I guess I'm off to Target.
Expandable hose my dad gave me...
Cheers!
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Did you change your underwear?
It's always interesting to come home and visit with my folks. It's about a 5 and half hour drive from my house to theirs. It's just far enough to ensure that weekend visits need to be planned.
When I arrived this afternoon my mom was folding laundry at the kitchen table. My father was sitting at the other end watching her fold his underwear and suddenly blurts out, "don't look at my underwear".
Me - are you talking to me?
Dad - Yes, it makes me uncomfortable.
Me - I've seen your underwear. I used to do the laundry when I was a teenager, and that included your underwear.
Dad - I don't remember that.
Me - It doesn't really matter whether you remember; I used to fold your underwear.
Then turning his attention to my mother he says..."Hey, 11 pairs of underwear, not bad for one week".
Mom - this two weeks, there should be 14 pairs here.
Me - Oh My God! Don't you change your underwear everyday? What's wrong with you?
My father just gives me a blank look and shakes his head.
Me - Well? Do you change your underwear everyday? It's totally gross if you don't.
Dad - When are you leaving? Don't you have to go back to Minnesota now?
Several hours later we are sitting in the family room watching TV, as a family, something that has been totally lost on me for the past 22 years, since I live alone. Anyway, I got up to go get a hair tie and when I returned to the family room, it was obvious some one had passed gas.
Me - Alright, who did that?
Dad - Did what?
Me - You know what? Who farted?
Dad - It was your mother.
Mom - It wasn't me, I have diarrhea; if I have to fart I have to go to the bathroom. Your father farted.
Dad - Why do yo always blame me?
Mom - Because it's you.
Dad - No one farted.
Me - Seriously, Dad. It didn't smell in here when I left and now it does. You farted. Why are you blaming Mom for your smelly fart?
Dad - When are you going back to Minnesota? Are you taking your mother with? Are you going to be here tomorrow?
Good times...I'll be here until Tuesday (maybe), so stay tuned.
Cheers.
When I arrived this afternoon my mom was folding laundry at the kitchen table. My father was sitting at the other end watching her fold his underwear and suddenly blurts out, "don't look at my underwear".
Me - are you talking to me?
Dad - Yes, it makes me uncomfortable.
Me - I've seen your underwear. I used to do the laundry when I was a teenager, and that included your underwear.
Dad - I don't remember that.
Me - It doesn't really matter whether you remember; I used to fold your underwear.
Then turning his attention to my mother he says..."Hey, 11 pairs of underwear, not bad for one week".
Mom - this two weeks, there should be 14 pairs here.
Me - Oh My God! Don't you change your underwear everyday? What's wrong with you?
My father just gives me a blank look and shakes his head.
Me - Well? Do you change your underwear everyday? It's totally gross if you don't.
Dad - When are you leaving? Don't you have to go back to Minnesota now?
Several hours later we are sitting in the family room watching TV, as a family, something that has been totally lost on me for the past 22 years, since I live alone. Anyway, I got up to go get a hair tie and when I returned to the family room, it was obvious some one had passed gas.
Me - Alright, who did that?
Dad - Did what?
Me - You know what? Who farted?
Dad - It was your mother.
Mom - It wasn't me, I have diarrhea; if I have to fart I have to go to the bathroom. Your father farted.
Dad - Why do yo always blame me?
Mom - Because it's you.
Dad - No one farted.
Me - Seriously, Dad. It didn't smell in here when I left and now it does. You farted. Why are you blaming Mom for your smelly fart?
Dad - When are you going back to Minnesota? Are you taking your mother with? Are you going to be here tomorrow?
Good times...I'll be here until Tuesday (maybe), so stay tuned.
Cheers.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Very random crap...
Today's post is brought to you by the number 14,610.
When I told my mother I didn't like my belly button she became upset...because, as she explained to me, it came from her. I had no response to that. Well played, Mom, well played.
There's new information about Mars One, and I think those people are nuts;
http://www.nbcnews.com/science/one-way-mars-trip-attracts-165-000-would-be-astronauts-6C10981032
...but I prefer this tiger cub video.
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Sumatran+tiger+cubs&mid=65FE41E9D23B0B37D75165FE41E9D23B0B37D751&view=detail&FORM=VIRE6#view=detail&mid=65FE41E9D23B0B37D75165FE41E9D23B0B37D751
I threw away a perfectly good hose the other day because the sprayer fell apart and I wasn't able to put it back together, nor was I able to unscrew the sprayer from the hose. Now, before you go all, "why didn't you just cut the hose and put a replacement end on"? It's actually cheaper to buy a new hose rather than take the time to go through all of that. Besides, one of my enterprising neighbors probably took it out of my garbage. I can pretty much set anything out on garbage day and it disappears. Plenty of hoarders around. The new hose sucks by the way, but the sprayer nozzle is excellent.
One of my favorite books (when I was a kid) was The Fat Cat, a Danish Folktale. I recommend checking it out if you've got kids.
http://www.vintagechildrensbooksmykidloves.com/2010/02/fat-cat.html
As a follow up to It's hard to find monkeys for people who are 40...
As you can see, my father found a monkey card,
and it's pretty funny...
The "money" wasn't what I expected. I actually didn't expect any money, but what I got was Allied Issued Military currency (Italian Lire); Chinese money, and Moroccan money. My great uncle served in WWII and gave this money to my grandfather (long since passed) who gave it to my father, who has now given it to me. Pretty cool, heh?
...and in case you were wondering about the number 14,610, it's the number of days I've been alive. I was able to calculate this number all by myself, despite being a girl. Go suck it Children's Place. (￣へ ￣)凸
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/06/the-childrens-place-shirts-girls-math_n_3714050.html
Cheers!
P.S. I think it's time for an 800 calorie cupcake.
When I told my mother I didn't like my belly button she became upset...because, as she explained to me, it came from her. I had no response to that. Well played, Mom, well played.
There's new information about Mars One, and I think those people are nuts;
http://www.nbcnews.com/science/one-way-mars-trip-attracts-165-000-would-be-astronauts-6C10981032
...but I prefer this tiger cub video.
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Sumatran+tiger+cubs&mid=65FE41E9D23B0B37D75165FE41E9D23B0B37D751&view=detail&FORM=VIRE6#view=detail&mid=65FE41E9D23B0B37D75165FE41E9D23B0B37D751
I threw away a perfectly good hose the other day because the sprayer fell apart and I wasn't able to put it back together, nor was I able to unscrew the sprayer from the hose. Now, before you go all, "why didn't you just cut the hose and put a replacement end on"? It's actually cheaper to buy a new hose rather than take the time to go through all of that. Besides, one of my enterprising neighbors probably took it out of my garbage. I can pretty much set anything out on garbage day and it disappears. Plenty of hoarders around. The new hose sucks by the way, but the sprayer nozzle is excellent.
One of my favorite books (when I was a kid) was The Fat Cat, a Danish Folktale. I recommend checking it out if you've got kids.
http://www.vintagechildrensbooksmykidloves.com/2010/02/fat-cat.html
As a follow up to It's hard to find monkeys for people who are 40...
As you can see, my father found a monkey card,
and it's pretty funny...
The "money" wasn't what I expected. I actually didn't expect any money, but what I got was Allied Issued Military currency (Italian Lire); Chinese money, and Moroccan money. My great uncle served in WWII and gave this money to my grandfather (long since passed) who gave it to my father, who has now given it to me. Pretty cool, heh?
...and in case you were wondering about the number 14,610, it's the number of days I've been alive. I was able to calculate this number all by myself, despite being a girl. Go suck it Children's Place. (￣へ ￣)凸
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/06/the-childrens-place-shirts-girls-math_n_3714050.html
Cheers!
P.S. I think it's time for an 800 calorie cupcake.
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