Saturday, August 6, 2011

If you're trying to live through me vicariously, you'll be sorely disappointed...

It's been awhile since I've "used my words". Mostly because of my growing disappointment and trying to find the humor in it. Let me tell you, it hasn't been easy. Honestly, I don't know that I've found it yet.

So let's see, where did I leave off?

Ah yes, it was June and I was on a date with the Air Force pilot, reservist now. This date went really well, of course, maybe I just thought that because I was hopped up on Sudafed. Well, I thought it went well, we seemed to get along, conversation flowed smoothly, we seemed to have some common interests, he seemed normal and he was handsome to boot. The downside...he was newly divorced, as in divorced that month after 21 years of marriage, but we exchanged numbers. Now, I should mention that he said he was going out of town the following weekend for a family reunion and I am almost certain he was being truthful. I didn't really expect to hear from him right away. He texted me a couple days later, said he was looking forward to seeing me again. I said me when you get back from your family reunion. Needless to say I didn't hear from him when he got back. And so I move on, again...

The agency set me up with two more dates. The first of which never showed up and when I called the agency to tell them they didn't exactly apologize, but said they'd call him to find out what happened and then asked if I would want to go out with him again. Since there really was no "again", I declined. I just went with that the old adage..."Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". They never did tell me why he didn't show up.

Ironically, a couple days later I got a text from the Air Force Pilot. There were a couple innocuous texts back and forth. It went something like this (paraphrased)...
AFG: What are you doing this weekend?
Me: I've got a few things going on, but I'm free Saturday night. What about you?
AFG: I've got some stuff going on, but nothing Saturday. Text me in the morning.
Me (texting Saturday morning): What's going on?
AFG: Thinking about going boating.
Me: I'm free this evening, if you want to do something.
AFG: Heading out on the boat. Give me a call if you want to hang out in Stillwater.
Me: Why don't we schedule something? It would be great if we could pick a time and place to meet.

I haven't heard a word since. I guess I've never received a boat-booty call before, but obviously that's what it was.

The next date was the next day. He showed up late (which I was quite sensitive to) in a dirty t-shirt, ratty shorts and flip-flops. Now, I know it's summer and it's very desirable to stay comfy, but his ensemble just said...I don't have time for this. And that attitude actually became evident during the course of our conversation. Moving on......

Next date was a couple weeks later at a nice little French bistro. When I arrived, the guy was sitting there in a ball cap that was advertising for some type of heavy machinery company with a metalized brim. Really? Who wears a ball cap to a French bistro? I'll tell you who...a 45 year old man who owns a recycling business, hasn't had a vegetable in 25 years, lives in his mom and dad's farmhouse, and has positively no interests. No reading, no gardening, no TV, no movies, no theater, no running, no walking, no hiking, no parks, no sports, no restaurants..... There was actually a moment during the conversation that it occurred to me that I would be better off alone.

There haven't been any dates since that one. The agency has called me a couple of times to set up two different dates, but the guy either can't make time in his schedule or his file is being used for another match.

I don't know what's worse, feeling different and like a total failure for not being able to find someone, having had the expectations that there's actually hope that I would find someone, or having hope that the dating agency would have any kind of success in finding someone.

Here's the thing, I probably don't fit the profile of most people who are "on the market". While I am not flashy, gregarious, or "cool", I am not weirdo, deviant, or social misfit. I am not looking for a fling or one night stand and I am not looking to start sleeping with someone after three or four dates, which amounts to knowing someone for about 12 to 15 hours if you average 3 to 4 hours a date. I want to know someone before I know someone. I am not a free spirit, a liberal, or laid back. I don't roll with the flow...I'm a planner and have an old soul. I don't need to go out and party every weekend. I'm too tired and drinking more than two drinks makes me fall asleep and also makes me violently ill. I work very hard, my career is demanding and it always will be. During the week, I don't have time for much else besides my job. I squeeze in the treadmill, some reading, and some gardening (or snow shoveling) wherever I can. I accepted the demands of the job when I signed on; it's what I know and's how I function and makes up a large part of who I am. On the weekends, I like being a homebody. I love to read, write, garden, listen to music, watch movies and documentaries. On occasion, I like to go out for a nice meal at an expensive restaurant, a broadway show or go to the symphony; maybe the Arboretum or other state park. I value peace and quiet, and spiritual growth. I like to meditate (although I don't always make the time). When I can, I far away places. I've been all over the world and want to see more.

I'm not asking for the moon (well maybe), just compatibility. Is that so difficult? I guess it is.