Friday, August 2, 2013

People will tell you that Xanax and M&Ms are not a proper diet...

The neighbors recently started playing badminton in their backyard. I'm all for badminton...I love badminton, especially backyard badminton. But seriously, if you're playing badminton in your backyard, you should be playing by backyard margarita rules, which basically boil down to, "dude, I hit the birdie over the net". None of this three hits per side, or there's some kind of "imaginary" line that makes the little birdie go out and gives the other side a point.  If you're into the competitive stuff go join a league and let the rest of us have some fun.

When played in a backyard, the following games fall into the let's have fun and not get all competitive so we kill everyone's buzz category: badminton, volleyball, croquet, boccie ball, lawn Jarts (which you probably shouldn't play drunk, but then what's the point really?), and horseshoes.

And let's get this straight, if for some reason I end up on your team and you yell at me because I'm trying to have drunk backyard fun and you're desperate to win, I might just kick you in the nuts (even if you don't have them). Just remember it's the backyard and nobody cares whether you win, but they will remember how big a douche bag you were. And...if there are children involved and you make them cry, I will make you cry. Count on it.

Did you ever have one those weeks at work where you feel like you're in a scene from Animal Farm? That's pretty much how my week went. It really makes want to make up a bunch of random stuff and then say that I never said any of that. Some people would call it a cluster-fuck, however, I prefer goat rodeo.

And one more thing, can someone please explain how a person manages to get a speeding ticket during rush hour? I don't understand. Traffic moves at a crawl or at least 15 miles below the posted speed limit and yet some folks manage to acquire speeding tickets. If I ever figure it out, I'll be sure to let everyone know.


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